Gray, John

▪ 1999

      With his 1992 book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, relationship guru John Gray managed to parlay the rather obvious observation that men and women are different into a series of phenomenally successful books that spawned videotapes, motivational seminars, counseling franchises, and even a Broadway show. In 1998 he added to his rapidly growing empire a magazine and a board game that pitted Martians (men) and Venusians (women) against each other and that also, according to Gray, provided a "vehicle to talk about relationships in a casual setting."

      Gray was born in Houston, Texas, in 1951. As a teenager he became involved in the Transcendental Meditation (TM) movement and eventually became the personal assistant of TM founder Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Taking a vow of celibacy, Gray traveled with the guru for nine years and learned firsthand the necessary attributes of a charismatic leader. In 1979 he left the movement and moved to California, and in 1982 he married Barbara DeAngelis (who also became a best-selling self-help author). Together they began a business that specialized in weekend sex-and-relationship workshops. The marriage ended in 1984, the same year Gray self-published his first book,What You Feel You Can Heal.

      Throughout the 1980s he worked as a "spiritual counselor" and conducted relationship seminars. His credentials as a professional psychologist were questionable to some—he held degrees from the Maharishi International University and obtained his Ph.D. through correspondence courses. In 1990 he self-published a second book, Men, Women and Relationships, which he described as "a thick book of my research into the differences between men and women." In 1992 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus was released and became a best-seller. It was based on Gray's premise that men and women have different emotional requirements and that a misunderstanding of the differences leads to the breakdown of relationships. The book's lighthearted tone as well as its ample selection of examples, anecdotes, remedies, and peculiar metaphors and analogies ("men are like blowtorches, women are like ovens") had immense appeal. It remained on best-seller lists for more than four years and on paperback best-seller lists even longer. Gray followed up with successful variations, including Mars and Venus in the Bedroom (1995), Mars and Venus in Love (1996), and Mars and Venus on a Date (1997).

      The popularity of the Mars-Venus formula was undeniable, and Gray took credit for revitalizing scores of foundering relationships. A number of people criticized his view of contemporary relationships, claiming his work was little more than an exhaustive reworking of age-old gender stereotypes. Such judgments, however, failed to deter Gray, whose future plans included a Mars-Venus parenting book and a television sitcom and who, with characteristically blithe egotism, claimed, "I feel it's in me to help negotiate peace in the world."

ELIZABETH LASKEY

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